The RCL Men’s team recently returned from their Irish tour. 20 out; 20 back. Minor miracle or lost opportunity? Not sure.
After several players prepared for the following morning’s game with “a few” in Roadhouse, the flight was civilised enough, although Macgyver was seated between several screaming children and later discussed having his tubes tied. On reaching the hostel, the plan was to go for “2” drinks. That did not happen. But what better way to prepare for a stern test the following lunchtime than 6 pints, top quality Irish chipper chips and burgers at 4am, and 5 hours sleep? Well, many actually. Several Swissies commented on the classiness, refinement and demure nature of the Irish girls at Solas. The smart look of the RCL men – in shirt, ties and jackets – worked its magic, though The Clap got b!tch-slapped by one blond. But who could blame her?
RCL fielded a strong team, facing an Old Wesley selection significantly stronger, who showed their level of skill and drilling from the off. However, RCL showed immense resolve, and defended to a degree that the Old Wesley forwards’ possession and power was contained well. In all, 3 tried a piece were scored in a game that was always tight, tough, and with enjoyed plenty of open, fast running. Plenty of lessons learned for the second half of Ligue B, and always good to be pushed to our limits. For the second game running, Deliverance got a gash in his eyebrow, this time requiring 5 stitches. He must have been out the day they teach “look where you’re running” in Uri schools…
That afternoon was spent enjoying the great hospitality of Old Wesley, watching France v Italy and Scotland v England. The Man of the Match award was actually given to both our props, Belushi and Macgyver, for their excellent scrumming against a formidable opposition. The scrumming showed great promise, after a torrid Autumn. Twat of the Match was given to Pensioner for his unique interpretation of rucking laws and generally lying on the ground. Old Wesley were greatly impressed with RCL’s performance, and expressed interest in visiting Luzern.
A great meal was had in Dublin, where the owners kindly allowed us to bring in 80 cans of beer. It’s still a mystery why they allowed a booking of 20 rugby players, but even the Violator managed to stay gentlemanly throughout the meal. Less than 24 hours of the fines rules netted the squad €360. About half of this came from Right Said Fred, who sucked donkey balls at the whole thing, but was admirably honest about fines. Other front-runners were Pensioner (who should have really done better, given that he’d had a month to learn the names), Afro Man (who’s mind was…um…elsewhere…), The Clap, and, of course, Shenanigans. Onward to Dandelion nightclub, which looked a bit like a Daft Punk video, but had some nice tottie. Two of the lads performed a “Swiss Sandwich” with some fugly, and Deliverance ate the face off some unwitting brunette in full view of his teammates. He then asked if all Irish girls taste like shoe polish. So, does this pass for fine cuisine in Uri?
A weary bunch set off to find top quality Irish Breakfast, and, for some (Right Said Fred), that ended up their meal for the day. But Guinness is full of nutrition, and eating’s cheating anyway. Four lads found tickets (down a dark lane, after “favours” given), and the others grabbed a section of Paddy Cullen’s pub. Fr Jack did his usual “I’m Welsh” thing, and Belushi, like some Benedict Arnold, cheered for the Taff. The Pensioner and Hulk O’Hogan found it all a bit too much, and returned to the hostel for a Powernap (separately).
The night ended in Break for the Border for Superbowel XLVI. There, Right Said Fred was so preoccupied with the game that Shenanigans was afforded time to make a cock ‘n balls on his ass out of medical tape. (This wasn’t the first such incident of the tour, which really begs the question why he hasn’t been placed on some offenders’ list…) Some tried to end the night “putting exotic dancers through college,” but it was closed, so they had burgers with Occupy hippies. Shenanigans entertained us with “that video,” which all readers are encouraged to view…
Some of us made it to the Guinness brewery. At this point, several lads were fading, but it was worth it to enjoy the freshest Guinness in the world. Twat of the Tour was going to go to Fr Jack for his Stalinist use of the fines list. However, last minute it was awarded to Shenanigans for walking straight through check-in…forgetting to check his bag in… A mention must finally go to The Clap, who would have pushed for the award with his reverse escalator trick at Zurich airport…
Finally, Deliverance, possibly high from faceraping yer one at Dandelion, bet the squad he could eat 10 McDonalds hamburgers, standing to win CHF150. He ate 7 with ease at Zurich airport, and on the train to Luzern he managed 2 more, before getting sick a bit on his own hand in the kids’ play area. We’re having him checked for a tapeworm…
Old Wesley 17 – 15 RCL
I Hang Out in Bath Houses (2); Cantona Lover 69
Judge Martin has combined, confederated, and conspirede with and aided, abetted those engaged in seditious conspiracy in violation of 18 U.S.C. Section 2384, to wit: